Occasionally the teachers at my yoga studio read quotes during the practice. Some resonate, some I just breath in one ear and out the other. But one caught my attention the other day. ‘You cannot force the fruit to ripen, you can only feed the tree‘. Apparently it was said by a famous philosopher but I can’t for the life of me remember who (can anyone help out with this one?) – the quote stuck but the author’s name flew out with an exuberant round of core. I’ve been trying my best to feed the tree. To put good things […]

Apr 122012

I’ve been away for a while. Not in the on a vacation kind of way but in a watching kind of way. Floating, withdrawn. I watch myself shut down a bit, again. I should call people and make plans, I should email and I don’t, I’m not sure why. A bit scared to stop by because here I’m always… hurting? angry? sad? I don’t want to be but it happens – and it happens whether I’m here or not. Maybe it needs to come out to make way for the other stuff – clear out the bad to make room […]

Mar 292012

There have been a lot of things stacking up lately. More pressures from all directions, more to do, more to be, less time to put towards the important things – important as defined by life not by work. But the straw that broke the camel’s back was the computer failure. My laptop died recently. I hyperventalated and freaked out and cried and then tried to forget it. To hope for the best. To keep my fingers crossed for retrieval. You see I hadn’t backed up in months. Months of holiday celebrations and photos of recipes and god knows what else. Stop judging. I procrastinated, […]


I mentioned recently that I finally told work that I wanted to cut back on hours. The conversation went really well. And then nothing. Radio silence. I followed up after a week, gently – as discussed, blah blah. The response? Please put it in writing. Um, ok, could you not have asked that a week ago? So I put it in writing. Complete with an action – I would like to begin these new hours on x date. And then nothing. For another week. Really? I lamented to my mother about the situation and her response was quite insightful – per usual. It is […]


In the movies kids always have tree houses. Tucked into a perfect corner of their backyards so when they want to run away they go hide in these little castles. Fully stocked with cookies, metres from a nice warm home, but just far enough away to be in a different world for a little while. I was speaking to someone the other day and he said ‘It’s not that anything is wrong, but I just want to run away from it all anyway‘. Oh my god yes. This is quite possibly the best explanation of how Mr W. and I […]

Mar 082012

Well I’ve done it, I’ve taken my red dress out of the closet and for a spin. The action I took wasn’t huge, but it was big enough for right now, big enough for me today. I’ve made the first step towards cutting back my hours at work. For me this is an enormous step. I’ve had the conversation. I’ve been wanting to have the conversation since November. Putting it off for one reason or another, never finding the right moment. But the other day I just did it. Considered, calm, matter of fact. Wearing my red dress on the […]


Many years ago a good friend called us gypsies. It made us laugh because it is pretty close to the truth. Not in the traveling-light sense but in the never-quite-settled sense. We get itchy feet quickly, we need to travel, or move or change. So in an attempt to solve for one of our items of inertia a decision has been made, sort of. A decision to look somewhere else to live. Somewhere that is less expensive, and closer to the beach and promises of a better lifestyle. Yes the irony of stating that we are forever on the move […]


The Dev and I have been having issues lately. Not with each other luckily but with the struggle together against inertia. The painful horrible repetitive nature of doing the same thing day in and day out. Of working all week just to get to the weekend, and then doing it all again just to rush through another week or month or year of life with nothing to show for it. The pressure of the passing of time, of getting older every day and being at the same place we were a year ago for so many things. We are both […]

Jan 022012

Do you vibrate or do you just make noise? There is always an ohm chant at the beginning and end of my yoga class. Sometimes one, sometimes three, most of the time amazingly harmonized. But for a long time it was just a sound to me. A noise that was made because it is a traditional opening and closing to the practice. Then one day I had a teacher who said ‘ohm is about vibration, not about sound, vibration in your body and soul, in the person next to you or across the room’. From that moment it changed how […]

Dec 202011

Now there’s an idea. Maybe voodoo will help. I bet the naturopath has someone that will charge me for it. We decided that I would start on acupuncture a month or so back. There was nothing else left to do before going back on Clomid. It looked so promising for a while. And then everything stopped again. The only other thing that has changed is ‘she’ put me back on Tribulus Forte. I had my suspicions that it had been messing things up and now I’m pretty convinced. Unfortunately now everything needs to come back, again, before we can make […]

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