Here is the thing, I have never been thin – ever. Fit? kind of. Healthy? pretty much. But thin? never. Until now.
As women it is very acceptable to bitch and kid about being fat or having a muffin top, or demeurly drop our eyes in thanks when complimented that we have lost a few pounds. But it is poor taste to be proud of being thin unless you have been through some intensive program or orgainsed diet plan and/or are trying to win a competition having to do with said weight loss.
I call bullshit. Bull-shit. I want to walk around naked these days because I can see my hip bones and my almost there stomach muscles and my sexy shoulders. And I am wearing a 2. A fucking 2. A proper fitting 2, and sometimes a 0. And I am proud of it.
At just over 5 feet, 135 was not thin. It was thinner than my heaviest which I recon was close to 145 or 150, but still not thin. Clothes did not look as I wanted them to, they pulled instead of hanging. I had back fat. And a claim of ‘wide ribcage’ only gets you so far in excuses of why things don’t fit. Then I went off the pill and started doing power yoga and eating a bit less and the weight started to melt off. 10 pounds without really even trying and I was down to my wedding weight at 125, but with more lean muscle so even better. Then another 7 went and I saw 118. Unbelieveable. I attribute a lot of it to the pill, or more appropriately lack thereof – this is not medical advice, it is just what my body did. The other bit, I give credit to the work I put in at yoga and its ability to kick start my muscles and metabolism.
When we started to go to a natural fertility clinic, in addition to putting us on about 20-30 pills a day in supplements, the diet was slightly drastic – or seemed so at first. The essence is nothing white (rice, flour, dairy) but the biggie no sugar. When I explain what we don’t eat everyone says ‘but what can you eat, sounds like nothing’ while shoving chips and chocolate down their throats. Humm, how about natural non-processed food, duh. Carbs are fine (thank god) but must be whole grain and balanced with protein. A little bit of dairy from goats and sheep is ok. Oil is completely fine provided it is olive or sesame or good nut. All sugar and sugar substitutes are out. We eat a lot of veggies.
My body always takes a while to react to anything but eventually with the new diet more weight slowly fell and all of a sudden I was at 111. People kept saying ‘oh you aren’t trying to loose more are you?’ in one breath while bitching about how difficult their diet is and chasing chocolate and chips with wine. But I wan’t trying to loose weight (I know, bitch). I was eating healthy food in order to GET PREGNANT or at least ovulate correctly, and it just so happened that my body decided that it didn’t have a ‘wide ribcage’ and ‘broad shoulders’ as a result.
I broke 110. And then I hovered at 108 for a while. When I saw 107.5 I giggled. I am still in a healthy BMI, albet at the bottom of the range, being thin is distracting me from not being able to get pregnant.
As of yet ovulation is still screwy and I am most certainly not pregnant. But I am proud of being thin. I can still grab a handful of stomach when I lean over and I eat constantly (small meals about 5 times a day) but I am proud of being thin. I look good in almost everything and I don’t mind looking in the mirror or seeing myself in photos for the first time in a couple of decades. And I don’t care who knows it.