There is a whole lot of empty in me right now. I’ve been suffering, struggling, hurting, feeling nothing, feeling everything, watching the days tick by. Tick, tick, tick. I haven’t been around here but I should be. Putting the sadness down in this faceless space gets it out of my head. Otherwise it hangs on, sinking its tentacles deeper and deeper into my consciousness, deeper into my soul, making it so the good stuff can’t find its way in. When I’m here I cry as I type, I feel a hopelessness that is all encompassing, it makes my head throb […]
Aug 152012
The nurse’s voice became more and more urgent “stand up, get on the table, stand up, get on the table“. But I was seeing spots and there was no way I was going anywhere that required upward movement – I’d been there before and knew it meant I was going to faint. “Don’t stand up, don’t stand up” pulsed through my head. “Try to lay down, keep breathing” my brain said. Have you ever tried to lay down while sitting in a plastic Dr’s office chair – it is about as impossible as you are imagining, but I was trying […]
Jun 202012
You could call it going on vacation, you could call it discovering (you could also call it running away – lets not) but we call it going on an adventure. Mr. W has renewed his passport – for the second time since we’ve been together – so we of course need to fill it up again. The flights on either end of a multi-monthed trip are booked! We know when we need to be on an airplane and that’s a damn good start. The only other thing booked is a trek to Macchu Picchu – squeeeeeeee! I have always wanted […]
I work with a woman – lets call her Shelly – who has some major insecurity issues. They play across her features with alarming regularity and it is almost painful to watch. They manifest more outwardly by her snapping at juniors, acting terribly weak around seniors and being an uncomfortable person to be around a lot of the time. She for some reason has decided to use me as a confidant about her life. No skin off my back, I see what happens in the office and understand where she is coming from with many things. We do have some […]
Mar 222012
I mentioned recently that I finally told work that I wanted to cut back on hours. The conversation went really well. And then nothing. Radio silence. I followed up after a week, gently – as discussed, blah blah. The response? Please put it in writing. Um, ok, could you not have asked that a week ago? So I put it in writing. Complete with an action – I would like to begin these new hours on x date. And then nothing. For another week. Really? I lamented to my mother about the situation and her response was quite insightful – per usual. It is […]