There is a whole lot of empty in me right now. I’ve been suffering, struggling, hurting, feeling nothing, feeling everything, watching the days tick by. Tick, tick, tick. I haven’t been around here but I should be. Putting the sadness down in this faceless space gets it out of my head. Otherwise it hangs on, sinking its tentacles deeper and deeper into my consciousness, deeper into my soul, making it so the good stuff can’t find its way in. When I’m here I cry as I type, I feel a hopelessness that is all encompassing, it makes my head throb […]
Aug 152012
The nurse’s voice became more and more urgent “stand up, get on the table, stand up, get on the table“. But I was seeing spots and there was no way I was going anywhere that required upward movement – I’d been there before and knew it meant I was going to faint. “Don’t stand up, don’t stand up” pulsed through my head. “Try to lay down, keep breathing” my brain said. Have you ever tried to lay down while sitting in a plastic Dr’s office chair – it is about as impossible as you are imagining, but I was trying […]
Mar 152012
In the movies kids always have tree houses. Tucked into a perfect corner of their backyards so when they want to run away they go hide in these little castles. Fully stocked with cookies, metres from a nice warm home, but just far enough away to be in a different world for a little while. I was speaking to someone the other day and he said ‘It’s not that anything is wrong, but I just want to run away from it all anyway‘. Oh my god yes. This is quite possibly the best explanation of how Mr W. and I […]
Dec 202011
Now there’s an idea. Maybe voodoo will help. I bet the naturopath has someone that will charge me for it. We decided that I would start on acupuncture a month or so back. There was nothing else left to do before going back on Clomid. It looked so promising for a while. And then everything stopped again. The only other thing that has changed is ‘she’ put me back on Tribulus Forte. I had my suspicions that it had been messing things up and now I’m pretty convinced. Unfortunately now everything needs to come back, again, before we can make […]