Tick, tick, tick.

 Posted by Mae  Sigh, SpinOnThis  No Responses »
Jun 262013
 

There is a whole lot of empty in me right now. I’ve been suffering, struggling, hurting, feeling nothing, feeling everything, watching the days tick by. Tick, tick, tick. I haven’t been around here but I should be. Putting the sadness down in this faceless space gets it out of my head. Otherwise it hangs on, sinking its tentacles deeper and deeper into my consciousness, deeper into my soul, making it so the good stuff can’t find its way in. When I’m here I cry as I type, I feel a hopelessness that is all encompassing, it makes my head throb […]

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Acquaintance Limbo

 Posted by Mae  Sigh  No Responses »
May 252013
 

I’m going away on a little trip this weekend and I’m not sure that I want to go to. It is a weekend away with people who I can really only call acquaintances. A few are almost friends, but not quite. A few I think I’d like to get to know better, I think. A few I’m not a huge fan of because I find them… odd (?), perhaps a bit uncomfortable to talk to (not because they are challenging in their thinking but the opposite). So why am I going? Why did I say yes to a weekend I […]

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Blocked

 Posted by Mae  Peripheral-Vision, Sigh  No Responses »
Jun 302012
 

I’m struggling. All I want to do is work on my blog (not this one, sorry) and I can’t. Yeah I still churn out a post or two each week – and I have without a doubt a list of pending posts and things I want to cook and germs of recipes swirling in my head – but I can’t seem to do it. I wander in and out of the kitchen, I stare at the screen and keyboard, I watch twitter, I try to edit photos, I snack endlessly, I write here instead. I can’t get my head around […]

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The ugly cry

 Posted by Mae  Sigh  No Responses »
Mar 292012
 

There have been a lot of things stacking up lately. More pressures from all directions, more to do, more to be, less time to put towards the important things – important as defined by life not by work. But the straw that broke the camel’s back was the computer failure. My laptop died recently. I hyperventalated and freaked out and cried and then tried to forget it. To hope for the best. To keep my fingers crossed for retrieval. You see I hadn’t backed up in months. Months of holiday celebrations and photos of recipes and god knows what else. Stop judging. I procrastinated, […]

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Like a voodoo doll

 Posted by Mae  Sigh  No Responses »
Dec 202011
 

Now there’s an idea. Maybe voodoo will help. I bet the naturopath has someone that will charge me for it. We decided that I would start on acupuncture a month or so back. There was nothing else left to do before going back on Clomid. It looked so promising for a while. And then everything stopped again. The only other thing that has changed is ‘she’ put me back on Tribulus Forte. I had my suspicions that it had been messing things up and now I’m pretty convinced. Unfortunately now everything needs to come back, again, before we can make […]

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Dropping off the grid

 Posted by Mae  Sigh  No Responses »
Mar 202011
 

Sometimes I just drop off the grid. I keep going about each day, working, cooking, laughing but I stop reaching out to anyone. It makes me think about them even more, and then makes me kind of sad, and sometimes I don’t know how to snap out of it. Being so far away from everyone I kind of just feel forgotten a lot.

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