Mae

Jun 262013
 

There is a whole lot of empty in me right now. I’ve been suffering, struggling, hurting, feeling nothing, feeling everything, watching the days tick by. Tick, tick, tick. I haven’t been around here but I should be. Putting the sadness down in this faceless space gets it out of my head. Otherwise it hangs on, sinking its tentacles deeper and deeper into my consciousness, deeper into my soul, making it so the good stuff can’t find its way in. When I’m here I cry as I type, I feel a hopelessness that is all encompassing, it makes my head throb […]

May 252013
 

I’m going away on a little trip this weekend and I’m not sure that I want to go to. It is a weekend away with people who I can really only call acquaintances. A few are almost friends, but not quite. A few I think I’d like to get to know better, I think. A few I’m not a huge fan of because I find them… odd (?), perhaps a bit uncomfortable to talk to (not because they are challenging in their thinking but the opposite). So why am I going? Why did I say yes to a weekend I […]

Oct 022012
 
Sep 162012
 

I went to a blogging conference recently and sat with a woman who complained all day that a certain group of bloggers (of which she is part) had no community. In her next breath, and without a single hint of irony, she said anyone who does sponsored posts or tries to make a business out of their blog is a sellout. My subject-changing terse grin may have said “um, ok” but my brain was most definitely screaming “shut up you stupid cow“. Just saying.

 

The nurse’s voice became more and more urgent “stand up, get on the table, stand up, get on the table“. But I was seeing spots and there was no way I was going anywhere that required upward movement – I’d been there before and knew it meant I was going to faint. “Don’t stand up, don’t stand up” pulsed through my head. “Try to lay down, keep breathing” my brain said. Have you ever tried to lay down while sitting in a plastic Dr’s office chair – it is about as impossible as you are imagining, but I was trying […]

Jun 302012
 

I’m struggling. All I want to do is work on my blog (not this one, sorry) and I can’t. Yeah I still churn out a post or two each week – and I have without a doubt a list of pending posts and things I want to cook and germs of recipes swirling in my head – but I can’t seem to do it. I wander in and out of the kitchen, I stare at the screen and keyboard, I watch twitter, I try to edit photos, I snack endlessly, I write here instead. I can’t get my head around […]

 
Making lists and how my brain functions...

There are two kinds of people in this world. Ones who make lists and ones who don’t. I’m not judging either way it just is how it is. I am a list maker – I have to write things down or they fly out of my head, peeking back in a the most inopportune times and haunting me endlessly. I also love ticking things off of said lists – it is terribly satisfying. Needless to say the lists for our upcoming trip have started, sort of… there are currently three items staring me from a piece of paper on my […]

 

You could call it going on vacation, you could call it discovering (you could also call it running away – lets not) but we call it going on an adventure. Mr. W has renewed his passport – for the second time since we’ve been together – so we of course need to fill it up again. The flights on either end of a multi-monthed trip are booked! We know when we need to be on an airplane and that’s a damn good start. The only other thing booked is a trek to Macchu Picchu – squeeeeeeee! I have always wanted […]

 

I work with a woman – lets call her Shelly – who has some major insecurity issues. They play across her features with alarming regularity and it is almost painful to watch. They manifest more outwardly by her snapping at juniors, acting terribly weak around seniors and being an uncomfortable person to be around a lot of the time. She for some reason has decided to use me as a confidant about her life. No skin off my back, I see what happens in the office and understand where she is coming from with many things. We do have some […]

 

It’s been a while. I’ve been running very fast and not really getting anywhere. It has been a month of decadence and a bit of laughter and a bit too much sadness. A month of far too much work at things I don’t enjoy, and far too little work on things I do. This evening I landed on the vanilla bean blog, lured by a promise of cardamom sugar buns. While the promised buns were there, I was drawn in by her introspective words and a quote by¬†Joseph Campbell ‘Participate joyfully in the sorrows of world. We cannot cure the […]

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