Jun 262013

There is a whole lot of empty in me right now. I’ve been suffering, struggling, hurting, feeling nothing, feeling everything, watching the days tick by. Tick, tick, tick. I haven’t been around here but I should be. Putting the sadness down in this faceless space gets it out of my head. Otherwise it hangs on, sinking its tentacles deeper and deeper into my consciousness, deeper into my soul, making it so the good stuff can’t find its way in. When I’m here I cry as I type, I feel a hopelessness that is all encompassing, it makes my head throb […]


It’s been a while. I’ve been running very fast and not really getting anywhere. It has been a month of decadence and a bit of laughter and a bit too much sadness. A month of far too much work at things I don’t enjoy, and far too little work on things I do. This evening I landed on the vanilla bean blog, lured by a promise of cardamom sugar buns. While the promised buns were there, I was drawn in by her introspective words and a quote by Joseph Campbell ‘Participate joyfully in the sorrows of world. We cannot cure the […]

Dec 202011

Now there’s an idea. Maybe voodoo will help. I bet the naturopath has someone that will charge me for it. We decided that I would start on acupuncture a month or so back. There was nothing else left to do before going back on Clomid. It looked so promising for a while. And then everything stopped again. The only other thing that has changed is ‘she’ put me back on Tribulus Forte. I had my suspicions that it had been messing things up and now I’m pretty convinced. Unfortunately now everything needs to come back, again, before we can make […]

Aug 202011

My cycles have stopped again. I am quite convinced that the herbs the naturopath put me on stuffed it up. I don’t even know what to do now. I’ve all but given up and am back to late night Googling… late ovulation, long cycle, yoga for ovulation and anything else I can think of to maybe chance coming across anything new. There is nothing new.


I had a tubal patency test today. If you have ever had one you know what I mean by the sink comment. Apparently I have a challenging cervix.  Great. After 2 failed attempts and way too much digging around (sorry) by the doctor and technician (who were as nice as you can be in a crap uncomfortable situation) they managed to get the dye in. The great news my tubes are all clear. The news unfortunately was over-shadowed by the fact that I was in enormous pain for the next 48 hours.  It felt like someone had kicked me in […]

Nov 252010

Unfortunately this has nothing to do with crazy outdoor sex, or animalistic positions or over-grown body hair in the slightest. It would be so much more pleasant if that was all we had to worry about these days. The first year of no period and crazy hormonal crap I spent gooogling ‘ovulation regulation’ and PCOS and hormones and ‘fix me I’m broken’. For a while I started tracking things on my own based on Dr. Google. I was pretty well versed in what was going on once we went to a fertility doctor to see if we could learn more […]


I have a general distaste for doctors. I find most of them don’t care to figure out what is wrong with you, but will just prescribe pills to fix what it may look like in the shortest amount of time possible.  I once had a GP try to prescribe me antidepressants because I broke into tears during an appointment while sick as a dog. It was the first time I had ever seen him, and he didn’t even have any history, out came the script pad and ‘Why don’t you try these for a while’… WTF, really? WTF. Just give […]

Aug 032010

It all started about a year and a half ago. I went off the pill, finally, after about 15 years. My body staged a revolt. First the sex drive went on holidays – severe holidays – for a couple of months. The my hair decided that it had places other than on my head that it needed to be, luckily I have a fare bit to begin with so the handfuls in the shower were more mentally disturbing than visually an issue. My period however did not come to the party at all. It was over 6 months until the […]

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