There is a whole lot of empty in me right now. I’ve been suffering, struggling, hurting, feeling nothing, feeling everything, watching the days tick by. Tick, tick, tick. I haven’t been around here but I should be. Putting the sadness down in this faceless space gets it out of my head. Otherwise it hangs on, sinking its tentacles deeper and deeper into my consciousness, deeper into my soul, making it so the good stuff can’t find its way in. When I’m here I cry as I type, I feel a hopelessness that is all encompassing, it makes my head throb […]
Sep 162012
I went to a blogging conference recently and sat with a woman who complained all day that a certain group of bloggers (of which she is part) had no community. In her next breath, and without a single hint of irony, she said anyone who does sponsored posts or tries to make a business out of their blog is a sellout. My subject-changing terse grin may have said “um, ok” but my brain was most definitely screaming “shut up you stupid cow“. Just saying.
I work with a woman – lets call her Shelly – who has some major insecurity issues. They play across her features with alarming regularity and it is almost painful to watch. They manifest more outwardly by her snapping at juniors, acting terribly weak around seniors and being an uncomfortable person to be around a lot of the time. She for some reason has decided to use me as a confidant about her life. No skin off my back, I see what happens in the office and understand where she is coming from with many things. We do have some […]
Occasionally the teachers at my yoga studio read quotes during the practice. Some resonate, some I just breath in one ear and out the other. But one caught my attention the other day. ‘You cannot force the fruit to ripen, you can only feed the tree‘. Apparently it was said by a famous philosopher but I can’t for the life of me remember who (can anyone help out with this one?) – the quote stuck but the author’s name flew out with an exuberant round of core. I’ve been trying my best to feed the tree. To put good things […]
Mar 222012
I mentioned recently that I finally told work that I wanted to cut back on hours. The conversation went really well. And then nothing. Radio silence. I followed up after a week, gently – as discussed, blah blah. The response? Please put it in writing. Um, ok, could you not have asked that a week ago? So I put it in writing. Complete with an action – I would like to begin these new hours on x date. And then nothing. For another week. Really? I lamented to my mother about the situation and her response was quite insightful – per usual. It is […]
Mar 152012
In the movies kids always have tree houses. Tucked into a perfect corner of their backyards so when they want to run away they go hide in these little castles. Fully stocked with cookies, metres from a nice warm home, but just far enough away to be in a different world for a little while. I was speaking to someone the other day and he said ‘It’s not that anything is wrong, but I just want to run away from it all anyway‘. Oh my god yes. This is quite possibly the best explanation of how Mr W. and I […]
Feb 032012
Many years ago a good friend called us gypsies. It made us laugh because it is pretty close to the truth. Not in the traveling-light sense but in the never-quite-settled sense. We get itchy feet quickly, we need to travel, or move or change. So in an attempt to solve for one of our items of inertia a decision has been made, sort of. A decision to look somewhere else to live. Somewhere that is less expensive, and closer to the beach and promises of a better lifestyle. Yes the irony of stating that we are forever on the move […]
Jan 022012
Do you vibrate or do you just make noise? There is always an ohm chant at the beginning and end of my yoga class. Sometimes one, sometimes three, most of the time amazingly harmonized. But for a long time it was just a sound to me. A noise that was made because it is a traditional opening and closing to the practice. Then one day I had a teacher who said ‘ohm is about vibration, not about sound, vibration in your body and soul, in the person next to you or across the room’. From that moment it changed how […]